I must have been about 7 when I saw David Lean’s version of Great Expectations. The opening scene has stayed with me forever. Little boy running past a gibbet to put flowers on his mother’s grave. Suddenly the figure of years of nightmares grabs him – lo tis “I’ll have your heart and liver out” Magwich!

Huge, swollen, grotesque nose, mad eyes and above all the convict’s shaven skull.

Check it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXyo68s-f1E

Magwich then forces Pip to steal his family’s Xmas pie. This struck me as a truly awful dilemma when I was 7. It still does. It wasn’t fair. Anyway Magwich has been with me ever since but I did not realize the proximity until this morning.

Those of you who have actually seen me know that I have little hair. This is actually an advantage as I do not have to er style it and stuff like the mem-log do. It also saves me a significant amount of money as I have not been to a barber for decades.  I have a dog clipper set and every few months I just run the clipper, with appropriate height control thing, through my pitiful remnants and Bob is your father’s brother.

Sassoon

Careless, I trim my hair on this bright Saturday morning only to realize too late that enemies have changed the height control thing to the convict special level.

I look in the mirror and I am Magwich. Quel destin.

I do OK when I get to Australia

Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pound ought and six, result misery.

I am reluctant to go outside as  I will scare little children.