Crystal

So I have always considered gout to be a disease of fat, old, drunks, which actually describes me pretty well. They contract it as a punishment for their sins of excess, “Gouty patients are, generally, either old men, or men who have so worn themselves out in youth as to have brought on a premature old age—of such dissolute habits none being more common than the premature and excessive indulgence in venery, and the like exhausting passions. ”   Actually it is caused by crystal meth conglomerating around your joints, or so I understood the doctor to say.

Anyway I have had a badly swollen knee for a week or so that I believe is the result of foolishly engaging in strenuous exercise. A combat class for street fighters has opened at the university and I have been taking it. It is almost identical to the Boxing Boot camp with Roxie that I did in San Francisco, except it starts at 7:00am.

http://spikekalashnikov.wordpress.com/2010/09/20/boxing-boot-camp-with-roxie/ 

http://spikekalashnikov.wordpress.com/2010/12/11/thanks-roxie/

However I am 4 years older and logically end up in an orthopedic clinic.

I love been treated in Japan as I have no idea what is really going on. I sit on a chair. The doctor pummels a bit and then produces a huge medical comedy syringe that he plunges in my knee.He drains off  volumes of greasy, yellow liquid that had apparently been living therein. Great excitement! However he also promulgates that the condition might not be the result of manly exercise but rather due to fat-old-drunk-disease – gout!

I am overcome with shame.

Three of those came out of my knee

Three of those came out of my knee

Happy doctor

Happy doctor

I have a blood test and will know the answer in a few days apparently but you know I could have totally got hold of the wrong end of the stick. I thought you got gout in your big toe.

The secret lies within

The secret lies within

Anyway the blood test worries me as on Saturday there was a big party at my house.

No cocktails on roof because of torrential rain. The rest worked out.

No cocktails on roof because of torrential rain. The rest worked out.

A lot of raw meat was consumed, washed down by copious amounts of drink. I am sure my blood must be tainted.

We ate an incredible amount of meat.

We ate an incredible amount of meat.

Katie, Mayumi, Natori-san

Katie, Mayumi, Natori-san

We drink Okinawan Knee Drainers

We drink Okinawan Knee Drainers

 

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4 Responses to Crystal

  1. Rosemary says:

    I am not sure that I want to be old enough to have a younger brother with gout!
    Poor you.
    Xxx

  2. I am potentially disgraced

  3. calder Ian says:

    Nay, something of a badge of honour, if it actually is ye gout. Some minor lifestyle changes, less beer, more wine. What a pain. Hope it settles dead quick.

  4. Pingback: I Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee | The Quiet Ripple Defines The Pond

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